The Visit

We are so much wiser when we get some age on us. At least I think so, and would have done a few things differently. One of those things is the relationship with my first husbands mother. Being the mother of two grown sons, and her being the mother of four grown sons, I feel like I understand the reasoning behind so much of events of the past. I do not need to go through each one of them now, here. I just think of all the experiences of life she could have shared with me. If only I had let her.....

I met up with Kevin, Amy, Lily and Forrest at Lily's school. Kevin had told me Lily was having a little piano program. As it turned out the program was the following week. That was fine with me, I got a chance to visit for a minute with them, and that always makes Meme happy. As we talked, Amy mentioned she and Lily were going to visit Granny, and invited me along. I had been wanting to see her. She was very ill, and was ready to be rid of all the pain and trouble breathing. I had this overwhelming desire to tell her I wish I had been a better daughter-in-law, and I appreciated all the love she had given my boys and their families. However, I decided I should not burden her with my regrets. She was, after all, dying. I should make the visit pleasant, happy, uplifting, not one filled with regrets.

I went with Lily and Amy to see her at the nursing home. It was late in the afternoon, the light disappearing from the window. I always liked this time of the day when I was a Candy Striper in the hospital before I was a real nurse. It seemed so cozy, a time to come in to the warm inviting rooms. I know this sounds off, since who thinks a hospital room inviting. I though, always felt at home in a hospital. So, we begin our visit. Amy walks in the room, announcing she had brought a visitor with her. We didn't want to shock her too much. She was glad to see me, and I hugged her hello. We all started talking about Granny and how she was doing. Amy had brought her a Fr*sty, but, she did not want it just yet. Lily sat quietly finishing her Fr*sty. The room was cozy. Three women sat together and talked, all connected by marriage, with Lily being to one connected to us all. I felt a warm kinship and we continued to visit. I laughingly asked her who she thought Lily looked like. She laughed and looked at me and said, YOU! We laughed, my heart swelled, I was so happy to be there. We got around to my boys, her grandsons, and she praised me for raising such wonderful boys. I always enjoy hearing it, but, feel it had nothing to do with me, but, that i had the fortune of having such awesome boys. I told her that they really loved their grandmother, and she nodded and smiled. I think it made her feel very special.

Amy asked her if she wanted her to read some passages from the Bible. She quietly nodded. She asked for the love verses and told Amy II Corinthians 3. That was not the one, so Amy looked while we talked. Amy found the verses, and said it was ch13 rather than 3. Granny said so dryly....well, it was hiding in ch 13. Her humor was coming through. As Amy read, Granny closed her eyes and listened. She seemed very content.

Granny talked about how I used to go to church with them when Eddie and I were dating and then come to their house for Sunday dinner. I told her the old seating arrangements around the small table, She laughed and said they had to enlarge the area as we all got married and the family grew.

As our visit grew to a close, I thought to myself, I will always treasure this visit. Forever.

Sick

Well, the bug has found me....I will return soon....

NOW I WANT THESE SHOES!

Header

I will mention the header briefly before I change it. The photo in the front is of my first husband and first son. It was taken when I was 24 years old and visiting my mother and grandparents in a small Tennessee town, Paris. I look like a hippie, but, I was not. I was a young mother of a two year old and was a full time nurse in a newborn ICU. The picture in the back is a picture of my father. He worked at a sawmill as a lumber inspector. I have one of his books with his actual writing in it....my mother saved it. It is special to me because he died when I was five years old.

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Mobile Tunnel

On the way home from the beach...July 2009. This is a view of the Mobile tunnel, I always hate to enter it on the way home. It means we are really leaving the beach, the ocean, the waves, the smell of salt water. Only a mere week before, I was filled with
anticipation of seeing the ocean, seafood dinners, and sand between my toes. Now we are on our way home. I think back to the time when I was driving the car and Brian and Kevin were small. I would hollar to the back seat..."Boys, we are going in the tunnel"...they'd wake briefly to humor me. I'd say, "In a minute, we won't be able to hear the radio". It was always strange to believe we were so far under the bay that the radio reception was interrupted. Nowadays, Kevin is driving and I just sit quietly as we go through the tunnel, the music on the CD player never missing a beat. But, I miss not being able to announce "Boys, we won't be able to hear the radio soon. We're going through the Tunnel"!!!!

More Inspiration To Write

And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt. ~Sylvia Plath

I Am Secure

I have all doors secure with security doors. Man, do I ever!

For some reason when I came home today and tried to open my back door, no go... It would not click, you know, that little noise when the lock unlocks. Oh no, I have to try the front door. So, I unlock car so I can open the electric gate, walk to the front, thanking my lucky stars it had warmed up to 40F, but, with that wind my ears were cold. I am thinking, it's ok, I will just go in the front door....I put the key in, tried the lock, and NO! say it isn't so!!! The Front Door refused to open. Don't panic! It is just the way I held my mouth. Try the Back Door again. I walk calmly to the back, put the key in, no go. I go back to the front, back to the back. I was like those who do not learn from their mistakes and keep repeating the same thing. If my neighbors were watching I am sure they thought I was nuts.

So, what was I to do. I had one more door to try. The one that opens to the screened in porch, the one I never use, the one that has a chain lock on it, so it would not matter if I get the storm door open or not. I try anyway, and YooHoo, it opened! But, there was that chain lock. I tried with my skinny hand, to slip the chain, but, NO! it will not work. I have to break in. I know that sounds extreme, but, I needed to, well, we won't get into that....I call my son, and tell him he has to come kick the door in. He thinks I have lost my mind, BUT, I HAVE NOT! COME OVER HERE AND BREAK IN YOUR MOTHER'S HOUSE!!!!

He came, he kicked in the door, I thanked my son for a job well done...and carried on with my day....

Me

I have a few readers, and I love when they visit and comment. I wish I were more creative with my words. I heard today that everyone is creative. So, why do the words seem so poetic in my brain, but jumbled on page? Could it be my world revolves around my work, my children and grandchildren? Is that all my brain "thinks up"? I read other blogs and think YES, that is me. It is like they are talking about me! So, why can I not tell you all about it? Do I not want my family to know my thoughts. To know the way I feel on any given day? I go through the gamut of feelings each day. I rarely am happy all day, sad, mad, or frustrated. I seem to be one of those people that are on the fence and can fall either way in my thoughts, feelings, desires. I can grump all the way to work, then, get there and be so happy to see all my friends, and love my assignment and coo with the babies. I can think to myself, why do I have to work with Her today? Oh, no, not that baby. Throw myself into a dreaded river of negativity. However, I do not tend to stay in that state very long. Whew! My heart jumps in and I have a change in my view of the day, of life. Now, why can't I tell you what I feel?

Forrest and his Guitar

Forrest is really Into his new guitar....He has that look of a serious rock star about to jam!!!