Saturday, February 6, 2010

The Visit

We are so much wiser when we get some age on us. At least I think so, and would have done a few things differently. One of those things is the relationship with my first husbands mother. Being the mother of two grown sons, and her being the mother of four grown sons, I feel like I understand the reasoning behind so much of events of the past. I do not need to go through each one of them now, here. I just think of all the experiences of life she could have shared with me. If only I had let her.....

I met up with Kevin, Amy, Lily and Forrest at Lily's school. Kevin had told me Lily was having a little piano program. As it turned out the program was the following week. That was fine with me, I got a chance to visit for a minute with them, and that always makes Meme happy. As we talked, Amy mentioned she and Lily were going to visit Granny, and invited me along. I had been wanting to see her. She was very ill, and was ready to be rid of all the pain and trouble breathing. I had this overwhelming desire to tell her I wish I had been a better daughter-in-law, and I appreciated all the love she had given my boys and their families. However, I decided I should not burden her with my regrets. She was, after all, dying. I should make the visit pleasant, happy, uplifting, not one filled with regrets.

I went with Lily and Amy to see her at the nursing home. It was late in the afternoon, the light disappearing from the window. I always liked this time of the day when I was a Candy Striper in the hospital before I was a real nurse. It seemed so cozy, a time to come in to the warm inviting rooms. I know this sounds off, since who thinks a hospital room inviting. I though, always felt at home in a hospital. So, we begin our visit. Amy walks in the room, announcing she had brought a visitor with her. We didn't want to shock her too much. She was glad to see me, and I hugged her hello. We all started talking about Granny and how she was doing. Amy had brought her a Fr*sty, but, she did not want it just yet. Lily sat quietly finishing her Fr*sty. The room was cozy. Three women sat together and talked, all connected by marriage, with Lily being to one connected to us all. I felt a warm kinship and we continued to visit. I laughingly asked her who she thought Lily looked like. She laughed and looked at me and said, YOU! We laughed, my heart swelled, I was so happy to be there. We got around to my boys, her grandsons, and she praised me for raising such wonderful boys. I always enjoy hearing it, but, feel it had nothing to do with me, but, that i had the fortune of having such awesome boys. I told her that they really loved their grandmother, and she nodded and smiled. I think it made her feel very special.

Amy asked her if she wanted her to read some passages from the Bible. She quietly nodded. She asked for the love verses and told Amy II Corinthians 3. That was not the one, so Amy looked while we talked. Amy found the verses, and said it was ch13 rather than 3. Granny said so dryly....well, it was hiding in ch 13. Her humor was coming through. As Amy read, Granny closed her eyes and listened. She seemed very content.

Granny talked about how I used to go to church with them when Eddie and I were dating and then come to their house for Sunday dinner. I told her the old seating arrangements around the small table, She laughed and said they had to enlarge the area as we all got married and the family grew.

As our visit grew to a close, I thought to myself, I will always treasure this visit. Forever.

6 comments:

Darlene said...

You were so wise to keep the visit happy and not burden her with regrets. Now all of you can remember this visit with a feeling of peace.

I am sure she thought you were a good daughter-in-law and would probably have been surprised to find that you didn't think so.

Beverly said...

thanks Darlene....for the wisdom of your years, and for letting me know she may have thought better of me than I did...

One Woman's Journey said...

Beverly, so pleased you made this visit. I know you feel good inside. So happy to see you posting. Take care!!

jeanmac said...

Such a touching visit and post.I'll bet her heart was singing for a long while.

Cape Cod Kitty said...

Beverly,
Thank you for sharing that beautiful story, and I agree with Darlene, that she thought you were a wonderful daughter-in-law. Very sweet and what a lovely memory you made for Lily. (she does look so much like you!)
Bracing for a storm here this morning. Winter has a tight grip here. Fun, though.

Brighid said...

Beverly, you did a gracious thing for an elder. I bet she has always thought well of you.
Why is it so hard for us to express our selves to those close to us? at least for me!